Nonviolent Communication: To Give From The Heart

Words are like a double-edged sword. They can build deep relationships, but also have the power to destroy them and cause pain. Learning to speak from the heart and pay attention to your communication is important for healthy relationships. That is why empathic or ” nonviolent communication ” is so important.

Marshall Rosenberg, an American psychologist, developed this new type of communication in the early 60’s. He did so while studying the factors that affect our ability to be compassionate.

His intention was to answer two questions that had bothered him since childhood. The first was: what disconnects us from our caring nature and causes us to behave violently or abusively?

And the other was: why do some people have consistently caring attitudes even in the most unfavorable conditions?

The result was the development of nonviolent communication . Let’s take a closer look at this.

Many relationships deteriorate because we do not know how to communicate. In the same way, poor communication causes significant conflicts. We believe that talking is the same as communicating and we forget the other, basic part: listening.

One solution to this problem is Rosenberg’s empathic communication or nonviolent communication . The basis of this type of communication is the thought of giving from the heart.

With this type of communication, we can get in touch with ourselves so that we can create contact with others. Consequently, our natural compassion flourishes.

Abilities related to verbal and non-verbal language form the basis of this type of communication. They allow us to remain human even in extreme conditions.

In other words, this focus makes it possible to control impulses. No matter the circumstances and no matter how easy it is to let them take over. If we use these abilities, we can maintain sincere and honest communication that comes from the heart.

As you can see, this is nothing new. We have known all the elements that make up this type of communication for centuries. The key is to recall them, be aware of them and apply them in our daily lives.

Nonviolent communication can be incredibly transformative. Communicating in a non-violent way means going beyond our needs and listening to the needs of others. This means that you ignore habitual and automatic reactions. But how does it work?

According to Rosenberg, in order to learn to give from the heart, we must focus the light of our conscience to illuminate four distinct areas (the four components of nonviolent communication ):

• Observation. Observing what is happening in a given situation is the first component. Ask yourself: Does it enrich what others say or do in my life? The key is to know how we best express whether we like or dislike what other people do. You have to do it in a way that is not judgmental. Because, as J. Krishnamurti said, “observing without judging” is the highest form of human intelligence.

• Feeling. The second component tests how you feel. Do you feel hurt, happy or annoyed? The point is to identify the feelings and emotions you have at the moment.
• Needs. The third component is about seeing which of your needs are related to the emotions you have identified.
• Demand. The last component of non-violent communication focuses on what we demand and want the other person to do to enrich their life as well as yours. To make it happen, you need to make a specific request.

Now, empathic communication or nonviolent communication does not just refer to our own ability to express ourselves honestly. It also means that we are empathetically able to receive communication from others.

So when we focus our attention on these four aspects of the process and help others do the same, true communication can occur. It is a two-way communication where both perspectives come into play.

On the one hand, I see, I feel, and I identify what I need to enrich my life. On the other hand, what does the other person see, what does he feel and what does he also need to enrich his life?

Nonviolent communication is the language of compassion. It is the bridge to inner contact and an honest and authentic connection to others.

But it is more than just a form of communication. It’s an attitude. This attitude allows us to take full responsibility for our internal processes.

Before you let yourself be pulled away by impulsive action and say things you regret later, stop for a second and listen to yourself. That way, you understand yourself and try to understand others.

Screaming and contempt do not help. Silence and serenity can be useful tools for our goal of illuminating dark moments.

Do not forget that the way you communicate affects your daily life. If nonviolent communication prevails in your life, it is more likely that it will prevail in the lives of others as well.