When You Are Tired Of Always Arguing With Your Partner

Quarreling with your partner is something you can not avoid, but it does not make the quarrel more fun. It will be even harder if the quarrel is always about the same thing. It’s annoying, right?

The good news is that it is possible to reach an agreement on the recurring problem. It depends on identifying the root of the problem. On the other hand, it may not be a specific problem, but rather a general discussion. In that case, the method looks different because there are usually other reasons, such as power struggles.

One of the main reasons why people start arguing with their partner over and over again is that it is a behavior you have learned from your parents. You never got to learn to handle conflicts in a good way.

They have also learned to use strategies that maintain the quarrel. One of these strategies is to reuse arguments; to repeat them in other words, which gives a feeling of contributing new information.

In reality, everything often revolves around wanting to announce the superiority of one’s own position. The goal is not to understand each other’s perspectives to make a compromise and restore harmony.

Thus  , many may quarrel with their partner because they have adopted a model based on relational disagreement. This model runs counter to the idea that it is possible to negotiate productively in a conflict. At the heart of this issue is a very clear message: quarrels in relationships cannot be resolved through reconciliation.

It says that the only way to end it is to scare the other person more than he scares you. Thus, the quarrel will not end until both are so tired and miserable that they end up out of sheer exhaustion. At that point, they have often forgotten what even started the quarrel.

The solution is above all to identify the framework that maintains the quarrel.  Do we reuse the same argument over and over again? Are our discussions similar to our parents’? Do we really know why we quarrel? Do we always direct our arguments at the same demands and protests? Do we automatically react to certain situations and start arguing without actually thinking?

Now think about how healthy our parents’ relationship was. Did it end well? Were they happy as a couple? If you do not want to end up like them  , you should start by dealing with quarrels in the relationship differently.

It is possible to live without arguing with your partner every day. One can end clashes with agreements rather than ceasefire; a ceasefire that only lasts until the parties regain energy, after which the quarrel resumes.

But we must begin to act as if this is a possibility. We must stop acting automatically and instead reprogram how we react to certain triggers. We must promote the attitude that most disagreements in the relationship are conciliatory.

Getting angry at the other person is a way to protect ourselves, especially when we feel attacked or vulnerable. It makes us carry out a counterattack and try to win battles so as not to put ourselves in danger.

Furthermore  , we are often too dependent on our partner’s opinion. So when the person questions our competence, intelligence or something else, we experience it as a serious threat to our self-esteem. In short, we feel vulnerable. That is why we feel the need to defend ourselves, because it makes us feel more secure.

When we try to defend ourselves in this way  , we often end up attacking the other person’s weaknesses. We blame him for our problems without taking into account the damage we ourselves inflict with our words. What was once fear now feels like power and strength thanks to our adrenaline. The result? Encouragement of a toxic attitude.

When we are on the verge of anger, we forget to listen to our partner. Remember that we are trying to “defend ourselves”. The solution is to learn self-validation,  to strengthen our own ego without hurting anyone and to seek our own path to growth. This at the same time as we accept ourselves unconditionally, with weaknesses and everything.

We often quarrel about our own problems that we see reflected in our partner. But if we become capable of accepting ourselves and being generous, compassionate, understanding and forgiving towards ourselves, we will be able to treat our partner in the same way.

The solution also involves looking for a new perspective – one with empathy and understanding. Identifying the other person’s position, even if it is very different from your own, will help you calm your anger and maintain control.

When it comes to quarrels in relationships, certain problems can not be solved for natural or ideological reasons. We can adapt to or give in to these insoluble shortcomings, but that does not make them compatible.

Even though we know that differences exist, we often begin to feel irrational fear of them. In fact, arguing with one’s partner for ideological or personal reasons is usually a form of self-affirmation; a way to rebel against the feeling of alienation they cause in us.

Regardless of the situation, the answer is to identify the problem areas and simply exclude them from the conversation. Try to appreciate and respect differences that cannot be changed. Focus on the points where you can agree, without feeling that your partner is a threat to you.