Shared Setbacks: Are They Easier To Deal With?

Many popular sayings address the question of whether shared adversity is more bearable.

On the one hand, the expression “Sufferers love company” says that you  can do better if misery affects more than just yourself. But the problems will not go away just because others are in the same situation.

Another saying is “Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow is halved sorrow”, which advocates the comforting element of knowing that you are not the only one who is going through a difficult situation.

But is there any truth in that? The answer is yes, and you can observe it in many everyday situations.

When a student fails a test, the negative impact of the situation can be reduced with the knowledge that several classmates also met the same fate.

Support groups for people with psychological problems are also very helpful because they connect people who are going through the same thing.

But what is the basis for all this? Should one rejoice in the adversity of others? Are we innately malicious? Not at all, and  there are several reasons that explain this phenomenon.

Influence from social comparisons

Research on social psychology has observed the pressure exerted by social groups on individuals. Much of people’s identity is forged in their relationship with others, and therefore their influence on self-image is high.

All people tend to compare themselves with the rest to measure their value and sufficiency.

The result of this comparison has an effect on one’s self-image, and therefore one can feel inferior and begin to experience negative emotions.

Finding other people in the same situation makes this comparison more positive. This is because it can in a way protect our self-esteem; one is no longer the only one who “failed”.

They are not adversity, but part of your humanity

The key to relief that comes from knowing that a difficult situation does not just apply to you is that it reminds you of your shared humanity.

The emotional shock can be high when a negative and unexpected event occurs.

You can fail an important test, your partner may be unfaithful or you may panic…

All of these situations initially put you at a disadvantage. You feel that you have failed personally; that you are not enough and that something is wrong with you.

Being aware that you are not the only one having a problem broadens your perspective. It reminds you that you are human and that everyone can experience positive and negative events.

Finally, you may be motivated to find your own resources when you see that others are faced with similar circumstances. You can be inspired by them to perform better yourself.

Shared setbacks – take action

Even though you experience relief in sharing your circumstances with others, you must remember that the key is to take action. If you fail an exam, you must study better before the next.

The fact that many of your classmates also received poor grades will not make the situation better for you.

If your relationship has ended, you need to figure out what resources you have available to get over it. It is not good to look for others who are going through the same thing just to wallow in the collective suffering.

Instead  , shared adversity can be a way to motivate each other to move forward. Finding people in the same situation does not have to mean that you have to share a victim mentality,  anger or resentment.

Only your actions will help you get away from where you are now and lead you where you want to go. If you are going to compare yourself with others, then it should be to inspire you to move forward.

You can also observe how they accepted their setbacks in life and learned from them. Lean against others as you repair your wings and eventually fly away again.