At 30 You Value Good Friends Higher Than Many Friends

A recent study from the APA (American Psychology Association) published by Psychology & Aging has shown something that many of us already suspected: As the years go by, the friendships change. After the age of 30, having good friends is valued more than having many friends.

This study has shown that at the age of 20 we are dealing with a large number of different people, something that affects our worldview and our expectations. 

At 30 we are more socially exhausted and do not have the energy to entertain other people and instead prefer to have fewer but good friends.

This has long-term effects:

The people who had many friends at 20 and good friends at 30 showed better mental health at 50. This does not mean that you have fewer friends when you are 30… The main thing is that you choose those that make you happy.

Friendship for life

The weight you give to your friendship lasts throughout life, but the steps are manifested in different ways. 

When you are a child, you attach more importance to the authorities around you: parents and teachers. You interact with other children and gradually develop an awareness of your own individuality. You learn emotional, cognitive and social skills through play and school.

In adolescence, the concept of friendship changes dramatically.  At this stage, it is the relationships with people on the same level as oneself that determine one’s character and not authorities, something that strongly influences identity.

At this stage, the friendship is much more intense, but as you approach 30 you become increasingly selective.

Friends at 20

When you are 20, the whole world boils. You do not know much about life, but you act without fear and with a spontaneity that makes you meet many people. You live very intensely and are never isolated.

You get to know new friends without being too prejudiced or having high expectations…  you surround yourself with many people because you feel that you need this, you need to enjoy your freedom and see what really interests you.

At 20 you have to have a curious attitude and a free soul and get all the experiences needed: fall in love, travel, dance and have many people around you, and you should be able to experiment.

Friends at 30

As you approach 30, you get tired of constantly encountering new people and meeting those you do not have much confidence in. You want good friends with higher quality. You want to keep experimenting, but with a company you like. You start to think more about the quality of friendship.

This is determined by one’s desires, but also by the circumstances. Many of one’s friends in life have taken different paths; they have changed careers or they have started a family. This leads one to instead enjoy a smaller group – one that is more related to one’s values.