Heroes Also Sometimes Give Up

There are heroes around us. Our heroes are the people who have fought cancer or any other serious illness. The people who, with humor and heroism, never stopped smiling at the world despite all the adversity.

Our heroes have taught us that it is worth fighting. They have taught us that the world can change color depending on the glass you look through, that real friends are always there in bad times, and that what is worthwhile always costs a little extra.

And in my case, they have taught me that there are battles that you should stop fighting when you have reached the end. They have taught me to be honest with myself and my feelings and that this does not mean being a coward. But most of all, they have taught me that it is not appreciated to give up, even though in many cases this is the most natural thing to do.

The pain of wanting to go

When my hero found out he was sick, he could not believe it. He was in shock. Denial was the first stage of grief. The news was difficult to handle and at this stage he protected himself from suffering, at least for a while.

When he started getting the medical tests, he began to understand his condition. He felt like a guinea pig who could not control anything around him. All he felt was pain. This pain and a lack of control brought him to the next stage: anger. At this stage he became difficult to deal with and stubborn. There was a time when it seemed like others were to blame for his pain, but I know that’s just how he handled it.

The third stage, known as negotiation, passed quickly as his condition rapidly deteriorated. He could have a good day, but he did not know how long it would be or if that day would be his last good day. He tried everything to overcome his illness, but nothing changed.

Afterwards came the depression. “If I die” became “when I die”. But he did not let the claws of depression catch him. For the first time, he began to think of others instead of himself, of the people he would leave behind.

And then came the acceptance, the last phase, the inevitable. You accept death just like any other part of life, because everything has an end. The problem is that the people who love you can not accept this because they do not want to put it as you want first.

You have told us that you will not fight anymore. You want to say goodbye to everyone because you do not want us to see you disappear because it will not help to fight anymore. Your destiny is already written, you have chosen to wait for death, and you have asked for respect. You say that it hurts to leave those you leave, but that it hurts more to live. You mean that the physical pain of life makes death a little less scary.

The selfishness of not letting go

It is said that personal development is learning to say goodbye. This means I’m a scared little girl holding on to you with all my might. I do not want to say goodbye to you already. I want to be with you during your last days. I want you to fight with all your might to scrape a few more hours from life.

But I also know that the pain you feel is unbearable, and that it is selfish of me to prevent you from moving on, to get angry at you for having decided to give up, as if it were a bad thing. I act this way because the loss of you is the most painful I’ve ever had to go through. However, you have taught me that it is possible to live with fear.

Do not worry because today I have also chosen to accept. I have accepted that you will leave and that I will lose you. And do not worry; I can say that my life is over when you disappear, because you are my whole life, but that’s not true. I’m just selfish and I do not want to live in a world without you. But I will not lose myself in grief. I will always remember you and I will live a happy life in your honor.

You will always be my hero

To all of you who have chosen to give up; I want to remind you that heroes do not always have superpowers. Sometimes they have many stories, dreams, friends and family that they leave behind, but that they will never forget.

The only way to live with meaning is to accept your own pain. Accept that not all stories have a happy ending after a long journey. Sometimes they end in the middle of the story. And even if the story is not finished and it does not have a happy ending, it is a story that leaves traces behind.

It’s a beautiful cliché in Hollywood to see sick people struggling to the end and whose courage does not disappear, but this is not what usually happens. Heroes also give up, but that does not make them lesser heroes.