Parents Who Control Their Adult Children

To give unwanted advice. Constantly blame their children for what they do, or do not do. Use emotional blackmail to get what they want. Negatively affect their children’s self-esteem. Parents who control their adult children often use techniques that are so cunning that one could write an entire book about them.

Unfortunately, this behavior can cause unnecessary suffering. Some people reach adulthood and continue to obey parents who criticize everything they do or who constantly try to control them. Although this problem is not always detected, it is very detrimental to the victim’s dignity and self-confidence.

Society often tends to praise parents’ diligent work and idealize family unity as a haven for unconditional love and support. In reality, however, the way some parents raise their children is a step towards suffering and misfortune. Unfortunately, the dynamics do not change automatically when children become adults. On the contrary, they sometimes become all the more entrenched and difficult to manage.

Why do some parents control their children? Why is it so difficult for these adult children to stop the behavior? Let’s take a look at some of the factors that play into this unhealthy family dynamic.

Parents who control their adult children

There are many parents who control their adult children. It does not matter that their son or daughter moved out a long time ago or has their own family and their own life. In some cases, the umbilical cord has never been cut and continues to carry a kind of toxic love that only seeks to promote addiction.

If you are wondering what may be behind this need for control, the answer is simple. People who want to control others try to alleviate the feeling that they are missing something.

When it comes to parents and adult children, the former are afraid of loneliness, so they do everything to ensure that their children remain dependent on them. Closeness (and dominance) makes them feel that they are still useful. This sense of power helps alleviate their low self-esteem and makes them unaware of the suffering they are causing.

The fact that their children are adults does not change their need for control. Instead, they use more subtle and sophisticated techniques. In fact, when parents have already spent many years psychologically manipulating their children, they will always be able to find new ways and strategies to continue doing so.

The fear of letting life take its course

As we mentioned above, this need for control is governed by a feeling that the parents are missing something. But fear is another important factor. These parents are afraid that their offspring will live an independent, mature and free life far from home. The controlling parent interprets any attempt on the part of their adult children to create independence as offensive. In fact, they feel attacked by this behavior, which triggers anger and anxiety.

They try to sabotage the fact that their adult children make their own decisions. The controlling parents’ response to this is to undermine these decisions. They even make their adult children feel guilty about the decisions they make. They say things like, “How can you move to another city for this job? You leave me all alone. ” Or, “How can you spend all your time with that when you know I need you?”

Control and manipulation techniques

Parents who control their adult children usually do so in an indirect, subtle and painful way. This type of manipulation is so insidious that people often find it difficult to explain it in therapy.

It’s like being stuck in a cobweb. You’ve been stuck there for so long that you think it’s normal. However, this behavior is far from normal.

• Controlling parents are always there to “help”. But this help costs money. Their goal is to keep you in debt to them so that they have power over you. If your parent lends you some money, or helps with a household project, they will use this against you later. “ I lent money and you spend it on ____? “Helping you gives them a degree of authority over you.
• They also use emotional manipulation to make their adult children feel guilty all the time. Controlling parents complain that they are abandoned, betrayed and hurt by their children.
• They give advice that feels more like orders and often talk about what is “best” for their children.

Breaking the circle with parents in control

It is important to reflect on the relationship you have with your parents. No matter how old you are, you need to think about whether your bands are positive or negative. Although it may seem obvious, many do not realize how harmful their family dynamics are to their well-being.

Here are some tips to help you break the cycle of these unhealthy bonds:

• Be clear with your parents about the type of behavior that is unacceptable to you.
• Set clear boundaries. If your parents do not respect them, react negatively or make themselves victims and say that you abandon them, try to avoid falling into their trap.

Whatever the situation, try to talk clearly with your parents about how you want things to be. Emphasize that it is for the best. Finally, you should work on healing the pain from all these years of manipulation.