Why Are You Still Here After Such A Long Time?

Why have you not gone your way after such a long time? Why are you still here? Why have you not disappeared if you can imagine lots of things that are better than being with me? I’m a boring person, more melodramatic than funny, and when I make a blunder I really do. What in the world is going on in your head that keeps you looking at me with joy for days when I repeat to you that sorrow exists?

You’re a crazy person, one of the few left. I’m sorry to have to say that, but today I can not hide the truth. I do not want to, I do not feel for it. Today I can not deceive you, I can not relieve what I feel. So today I ask you to listen.

There are people we can always go back to, even though we distance ourselves and are light years away in another galaxy. They are synonymous with warmth and closeness, they are a connection at first glance. An unwavering and unique melody.

You have been my cane when I was blind. You did not mind following me even though you knew I would not find anything in many of the places I was looking for. Even though you warned me, you never said “what did I say” afterwards. And you’re still here.

I want to say something to you: without you I would never have come this far and I would have become immobile; without you I would not have searched for that last bullet in my pocket that I squeeze in my fist.

You have not scolded me, even though my struggles have also scarred you. Scars that I look at now and that make me feel lucky to have been able to trust you. Footprints are proof that you have become a part of me, that we have undergone this ritual where everything is shared, even blood…

You have been left to make a realistic evaluation of the damage and draw the lines between the dots.  You have taken care of my wounds while you made a bad joke, knowing that it would hurt but at the same time make sure that the wound does not become infected.

You have also toasted with me and at the same time as you looked me in the eyes used the space between the words to ask me for the next one. Because you’ve known me for years and you know I will not change my essence, even if you can negotiate it.

I have shown you my worst side, that which I am not proud of, and you have refused to believe my words when I said that this is how I am when things go astray.

You have not believed the evidence and have told me that faith moves mountains as proudly as I do, in the hope that I would realize that not everything is very black, dark and obscure.

You have not made me forget the good times and you have spoken of them with hope, as if they were a thread to pull, a stone I could grasp with the hand that you let go of.

I will not let you forget these words, because they are true. I will remind you point by point so that you understand that your efforts have paid off. Because even though I rationally do not understand why in all peace you are still here, I am incredibly grateful that you are.