How Does The Brain React To A Relative’s Absence?

The absence of a loved one is painful no matter who you are. Even if love and loss are a part of life, we will never really come to terms with it. Even though we know that nothing lasts forever, it is as if we refuse to accept it as truth. It’s a kind of psychological uprising.

We often say that there is a contradiction between mind and heart. The mind tells us that we must accept the absence, but something deeper refuses to completely lower the guard and accept the loss.

This happens because both a relative’s absence and presence trigger reactions in areas over which we have little control. In love and sorrow, physiological processes are involved.

There are changes that are physical and exceed what we can understand and handle. It explains the so-called “theory of opposite processes”.

The theory of opposite processes was developed by Solomon and Corbit in 1974. According to this view , our brain tends to seek emotional balance. The way it chooses to do this is by neutralizing emotions.

To do so, it performs a recurring operation: when an intense emotion appears and upsets the stability, the answer becomes to produce an opposite emotion. This is referred to as a “corrective emotional stimulus”.

According to this theory , the stimulus response is initially weak, but increases slowly in strength. From these principles we can to some extent explain what happens in an addiction and after an emotional loss.

When the initial feeling appears, it is very intense. It has no resistance and therefore reaches the maximum level. This is, for example, what happens when we first fall in love.

But in the end, the opposite stimulus emerges. Even if it is not perceived at first, it gradually increases in strength to neutralize the initial feeling.

In cerebral terms , the absence of a close relative has effects similar to withdrawal symptoms from an addiction. In both cases there is an initial stimulus and a “corrective stimulus”.

Let’s use alcohol as an example. Anyone who drinks alcohol experiences euphoric reactions. He is uninhibited and “stunned” when it comes to discomfort. The next day the opposite happens. He may feel depressed, insecure and want to regain his initial stimulus by drinking more.

When it comes to affection and love, our initial stimulus is affection itself. There is restraint, a need for the other person and joy when seen. Especially for couples, this initial stimulus is very strong.

At the same time, an opposite stimulus appears. This is why the initial intensity over time gives way to a certain emotional “neutrality”.

If an absence occurs, however, a compensation is made. Our initial stimulus disappears and only our corrective stimulus remains and is amplified. We experience this through sadness, irritability and conflicting emotions.

All emotions are organic. This means that for every emotion there is a corresponding physiological process that involves chemical changes in the brain. When we love someone, we do it not only with the soul, but with substances in it and how they are expressed in our bodies.

That is why the absence of a loved one is not just an emotional vacuum; There are lots of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin generated by love.

When these chemicals are not there, the body suffers from imbalances. It takes time for a new opposite process to occur: a corrective stimulus that restores the body to balance.

So what is the purpose of knowing all this? Only to understand that the absence of a close relative has deep implications for both body and mind. That we have to go through a process of readjustment to find balance, and this process can take a while.

Often we just have to let this process happen. We must trust that we are designed for balance.