Accepting Our Feelings: The First Step Towards Happiness

Emotions are relative to brief psychophysiological states that we all experience. Their mission is to deliver a clear message to you: something is happening that needs your attention. It can happen on the inside or the outside, but it is connected to you in some way. To understand the message, we must accept our feelings.

For better or worse, emotions can touch us and cause us to take action. The term “emotional” actually comes from the Latin emotio , which means “movement or impulse” or “that which moves you forward.”

Emotional states occur when our brain releases certain neurotransmitters or hormones. These then transform our perceptions into regular emotions that are easier to describe in words.

We can classify emotions according to their value:

• Healthy positive emotions (joy, well-being, calm…)

• Unhealthy positive emotions (euphoria, mania, hypomania…)
• Healthy negative emotions (frustration, sadness, anger, remorse…)
• Unhealthy negative emotions (depression, anxiety, guilt…)

Normally, it is easy for us to accept certain emotional states, especially if they are positive. But it is very difficult for us to tolerate negative emotions, healthy or unhealthy.

It seems that society has hammered into us that we must always perform well. But it is completely unrealistic and unattainable.

Emotional states come and go depending on the circumstances, our expectations, how we process information, etc. To constantly exist in a happy emotional state is both non-adaptive and impractical.

We live in a culture of well-being and consumption. We are constantly bombarded with unrealistic messages that put pressure on us.

These messages tend to tell us that one or another product will solve all our problems. They also reinforce the idea that no matter what happens, we should always smile. In conclusion, they overestimate the amount of control they have over our lives. They make it look like we have to shoulder all the blame for our sadness.

This irrational positivity only makes us feel worse. Demanding that we constantly be in a good mood can actually prevent us from feeling that way. Then it ends with us hiding our true feelings, so that others only see those who are socially acceptable.

This attitude only makes us feel even worse. It does not help us to reach a productive solution. This double “terriblit”, as Albert Ellis would have said, makes negative feelings last longer. From this point of view, healthy negative emotions can become unhealthy.

Society is not the only one with a bad influence on our emotional management. How we were raised can also affect whether we can accept our feelings. There is a great absence of emotional intelligence in schools and homes. For example, how many of us have been reminded that “real men do not cry”?

It is important that we learn how to effectively accept our feelings and emotional states, no matter what they are. If we do, we will paradoxically feel how the negative emotions disappear on their own.

What we want to avoid is to nourish our emotions in the form of negative thoughts. Playing the victim and other similar behaviors is just fuel for the fire. The point is that criticism and judging ourselves when we experience anxiety, sadness or anger is unproductive.

Here are some strategies we can start with right away:

Forget everything you “should have done”

When you hear your inner voice start saying things like “I should have…”, replace it with an “I want…” We can not constantly try to control everything, not even our emotional states. We can only change the thoughts that are responsible for them if we accept that we are feeling bad at the moment.

You are a human being and you have to accept it

You are not a god, a superhuman or a perfect person. You are a human being, and therefore you experience satisfying and unpleasant feelings. Accept the idea that you can not fight against your own nature.

Experience the feeling in your body

Invite the feeling of making yourself at home. It may be uncomfortable, but it will not kill you. It’s just chemicals in your bloodstream. Do not give it more weight than that, do not be dramatic. Love it, accept it. It’s part of who you are.

Normalize your emotional states

Just as we tell people that we are hot, cold or in pain, we can talk about our feelings. Even if they are not positive. To accept our feelings is to normalize them at all levels, including with other people.

It may mean that we feel another common feeling: shame. But remember that shame is the result of trying to hide something bad. Is it bad to feel bad sometimes?

Rather than making you a weak person, your emotions actually make you human. Do not forget it. Do not hide them; live them, experience them, learn from them and let them inspire you.