A Father Never Ceases To Be A Father
The role of the father has changed over the years, and nowadays it does not seem to be so well defined. It used to be clearer before. The fathers were the financial providers, and those who had the last word. They were the voice of authority, but they were not as involved in raising the children and did not do much housework. Everything seemed to be in order this way. In this article, we go through what it really means to be a father. We look at how the role is affected by the upbringing the father himself received as a child.
In recent decades, this has undergone a major transformation. But there is a point where they both then and now feel deeply involved in the upbringing of their children.
In the past, they used to think about educating honest and hard-working people who would become productive citizens. If you use the same logic, some fathers have now chosen to become a type of “manager” for their children. Not only do they want their children to be good citizens, but they also want to be the best in a certain field. This can, for example, be about sports.
They are always there, behind the scenes, and manage their children’s activities so that they can be the best. Dads get so involved in this that they focus all their energy on these goals. They are parents who project their own dreams on their children. To a certain extent, they stop being fathers and instead become their children’s personal trainers.
The direct and indirect pressure from a father
Therefore, they try to direct all their energy towards helping the children to achieve goals, especially if this involves a competitive aspect. These fathers want to feel proud of what their children have achieved. Sometimes they can not distinguish between their own desires and the children’s.
The children generally want to be their parents’ team and they learn to read their smiles and expressions of satisfaction when they get a medal, score a goal or get an A on the mat. They feel confident when they make their fathers feel proud. The children easily give in to praise and criticism.
If the children do not succeed in a certain activity, the father can show an attitude of indifference. The father may not give them a direct punishment, although this may occur. In any case, they rarely hide their disappointment. In these cases, they usually distance themselves from the child who has disappointed them.
The father who has not completed his own upbringing
The fathers who have these behaviors are actually young children trying to prove themselves. They were certainly subjected to a similar upbringing when they were young; one where much was expected of them, but where they did not succeed in meeting these expectations at all.
Their children remind them of the children they once were. The fathers want to repair what went “wrong” within themselves. That thing that made them fail to score goals or become a businessman with a lot of money. They feel they have to pay a debt and they therefore pass on their own failures to their children. They do this in a subconscious way and with good intentions. The fathers really believe that they want to make the children better than they themselves were, and that they should have a better life.
The problem with this equation, however, is that there is one important factor that is not present: genuine love. That love that can respect processes, timing and mistakes. It is also a love that accepts others for who they are; with all their successes, mistakes, triumphs and failures.
This manager dad can have a love that goes very deep, but that does not make it any less selfish. Such a father is more concerned about himself and his own happiness than the child himself. A father must offer a steady hand that fills the child with confidence and security. The security that regardless of the circumstances, the child will be important. Children deserve to be recognized both for what they have achieved and for other things in life.
