I Need Someone To Talk To

” I need someone to talk to. “We have all felt that need at some point. There have been situations where you felt completely defeated, times when your feelings have been holes about noise, which obscured everything you did, blurred your perspectives and even made it difficult to breathe. Fear, anxiety, sadness… where do you start?

If there is anything more important than knowing how to start tearing up all these thoughts and sensations, it is knowing who to empty your heart to. Why ? Because not everyone is benevolent enough, and not everyone is willing to stand up.

In addition, sometimes you can not get the support you need even from your loved ones. Your partner, your friends and your family, for example. A negative comment or some unhelpful advice is enough to aggravate your already damaged state of mind.

When you want to relieve yourself with something specific or look for support, it is clear that not everyone is suitable or competent enough for such a task.

Because when it comes down to it, you want more than just talking or communicating. What you need are reflective individuals, where you can see yourself without being judged.

You want people to be like a refuge to turn to and that can help you stop feeling your anxiety. You also have a need for people who can help you heal just by looking into their eyes and feeling their presence.

I need someone to talk to: why, with whom and how?

Nothing defines a human being as much as his ability to communicate. But even if we are all quite competent at expressing ourselves in words, the same does not apply to our emotional communication.

In this area, problems are common. We hesitate to open up because we find it difficult. In addition, no one has taught us how to explain what hurts and worries us.

Studies such as the one conducted by Dr. Brant R. Burleson at Purdue University in the United States clearly show that it is important for all of us to have the emotional support of those closest to us. However, it is important to be clear about one thing: having someone who provides good “emotional support” does not always mean that you will be able to have authentic conversations, with totally open hearts, between you.

To understand this better, we will give you an example. You can usually count on closeness and emotional support from your partner, or at least from your mother. But when you really need to talk to someone about deeper aspects, these people may not be the most suitable for the task.

Why? Maybe because things have happened to you that you do not want them to know about. Or it may simply be that, even though they love you very much, they are not the most suitable people when it comes to releasing pressure on certain things. Let’s take a closer look at this.

Why is it important to talk when you are having a hard time?

You really need someone to talk to, either because something has happened to you, or because you feel overwhelmed, stressed or worried about something. People often have to utter things that weigh on them, as well as sometimes release the pressure. That’s why something as elemental, but powerful, as talking and sharing your feelings is always the best strategy for the following reasons:

• You feel that you are finally “doing something”. Talking about something means that you are doing something active. You are doing something that is positive and healthy for yourself. It is a change, and all change is good in these cases.

• By talking to someone, you are not just offering information and highlighting how you feel. When you communicate, you also listen to yourself, which is why this exercise acts as a mirror and allows you to discover more about yourself.
• When you release your thoughts, feelings and ideas, you realize that it is somehow not as bad as you first thought. Silence can often make you feel trapped and can make you feel worse. As you talk, you begin to relax, and gradually the light begins to shine over the situation.

Who are you going to talk to?

When you need someone to talk to, not everyone is suitable. It is important to realize this from the beginning. Sometimes, no matter how much a person may love us, they may simply not be the right person for various reasons:

• When you need to talk to someone about things that hurt and worry you, you need someone who can respect your privacy. The last thing you need is for them to share your secrets with others.

• You need someone who can listen to and be with you. Nothing else. The last thing the other person should do is start giving you their opinions, challenge what you say or tell them what they would do in your situation.
• The person should not judge you nor question or criticize what you say. If they start doing that, they can do more harm than good.

In the same way, this person should also have qualities that facilitate emotional communication. Qualities such as empathy, closeness, active listening, sensitivity and compassion.

Sometimes you can turn to a friend. But other times is the most appropriate figure when you need someone to talk to a psychologist. As a rule, they do not only have the characteristics we have just pointed out; They will also have the tools needed to help you deal with your problem.

Where do you start?

The words above are often heard from people who are coming to talk therapy for the first time, or who have simply decided to be completely open and honest with someone close to them.

Whatever the case, it is a good idea to have some simple strategies that can help you (or others).

• Explain how you are feeling right now, for the moment. Release the things that have etched into your mind, and the emotions you can feel inside you.

• Do not be ashamed if your voice is missing. Do not worry if the tears come, let them come. Speak without fear. Remember that you are in a safe place and that it is healthy and necessary to show your feelings. You will feel better as a result.
• Explain how long you have felt like this.
• Try to find the cause, or the source of everything, and talk about it. Explain things clearly.
• Be honest, to resort to half-truths or cover things up does not help you at all. If you’ve reached the moment where you really need someone to talk to, that means it’s time to let go of what’s inside. Let all your obstacles crack.
• Try to use the personal pronoun “I” all the time. It allows you to channel your emotions (I feel, I fear, I think…).
• Look into the other person’s eyes. Their closeness and warmth will lead you with affection so that you can talk more easily.

Until last

Most of us will go through times in our lives when we feel the need to talk to someone. Let’s make a good choice. We should also not forget that the people who are most often qualified to help in these situations are professional psychologists.