Love Should Be About Joy, Not Sorrow

Love is always worth it; at all ages and in all conditions. However, not all types of love are good for us. Not love that harms us or love that suffocates us and prevents us from being ourselves.

No one comes into this world as a true guru when it comes to love relationships. We learn, suffer, cry, laugh and learn again. We learn through our most intense emotions, those that break us or that enrich our lives that show souls with open hearts.

Love is an adventure and at the same time a leap into the unknown. Taking the chance will always be worth it if we use our self-confidence as a parachute and set boundaries and priorities with maturity. And our main goal should always be to create joy.

How can we ensure that our love has more joy than suffering?

There is no magic formula that works for everyone. We all have our own history with our own values ​​and ways of understanding personal relationships. But since we all want to achieve joy and not suffer, it is necessary that we have the following points of interest in mind as they can give us a clue as to which direction we should take.

1. Do not idealize the person you love

More than once you will surprise yourself when you talk about your partner with someone: “He / she is the perfect man / woman. He / she knows how I feel just by looking at me and makes me laugh and dream. Everything with him / her is perfect. I’m incredibly lucky. ”

This can actually be true – this person can have excellent virtues. However, you should avoid seeing the world through rose-colored glasses that prevent you from seeing reality.

Love overflows and inflames us. It makes us feel like we are 15 again and prevents us from seeing that we are projecting our own dreams and needs on our partner.

Never idealize. See the person you love just as he is, in all his complexity, with all his virtues and shortcomings, which you also possess. Love is ultimately a great struggle to unite two imperfect individuals to create a perfect couple, and we can assure you that it’s worth the effort.

2. Do not give away everything in exchange for nothing

What would you do for love? Would you leave your family? Would you move to another city? Would you leave your friends? Would you put your needs ahead of your partner’s? Would you ignore your own values ​​for your partner? Think about it objectively.

Love does not mean giving everything you have for nothing in exchange. Loving relationships are a continuous exchange where both win and no one loses. It is not a game of power, but is about a balance of wealth and discovery, of mutual efforts and compromises.

3. Love without being possessive

When walls and constraints appear in a relationship, you begin to run out of air. If your partner forbids you to do something or starts quarreling with you, if his words are salted with blackmail, victim mentality, accusations and ultimatums, this love carries a lot of sadness, not joy.

When love is dependent, ownership and controlling, it is not a mature and conscious love. It is a selfish love that puts its own needs and fears first. Free yourself from it.

4. True love begins with yourself

Is it selfish to love oneself? Not at all. There are people who spend their entire lives waiting for the perfect person, jumping from relationship to relationship without ever finding the person they dream of.

Do not look for someone who can fill your emptiness or alleviate your fears. Make yourself your ideal person; mature, balanced and confident around everything in the world, including yourself.

If you do not start by loving yourself, you will spend your whole life wanting others to love you and meet the needs you feel at the moment. You should not walk around hoping that someone else will solve your problems or shortcomings, nor heal your wounds. You can not expect someone else to love you unconditionally if you do not love yourself first.

If you love yourself, respect yourself and are not afraid to be alone , you will be able to offer a more complete, wise and mature love to another person. A love that fills you with joy, not suffering.

A love that does not feel any suffering is one that is offered with maturity and integrity without asking for anything in return. A relationship capable of enriching both parties without blackmail is formed by two people who complement each other, who make life a beautiful and joyful adventure – one you can learn from every day.

Photos by David Renshaw.