Mom And Dad: I Want To Learn To Be Independent

For many people, it is a very difficult challenge to be independent, which requires a lot of effort. To be psychologically independent is to have an attitude towards life that is filled with courage, love and confidence in one’s own potential.

But despite all the benefits of having this attitude towards life, it is not so easy for many because they have not learned to be independent. Some people do not learn to have this attitude as children, something that prevents them from moving forward later in life.

Learning to be independent does not mean that you are ruthless

When we encourage children to do things for themselves, we send a clear message. We tell them that they can do in the world and that we believe they can do it. That way, they will stop looking for others and instead start exploring the resources available to them. “If others think that’s the key, then I have to start looking for it.”

But we should clarify a few things. When we say “independent”, we do not encourage ruthlessness. We talk about reasonable challenges that are necessary for healthy personal development. Children can learn to become psychologically independent to the level where their parents trust that they can solve certain problems for themselves.

If we do not let them make mistakes, they can not learn

Here is an example to help you understand this a little better: that children learn division. They got to learn this in school and now it’s time to practice. At this point, the parents see that the children have difficulty with the task.

Seeing children go through this can make it tempting to do so for them. In fact, some very skilled children get their parents to do their homework because they know how to convince them. But giving in to this temptation is not what is best for them. Parents can help calm their children’s anxiety over the challenge or try to get their attention, but they can not do their homework for them.

For children, our trust is a great gift

In the example above, the parents could take a different route. They can sit by the children’s side and let them do the division themselves. The kids will try their best and will make mistakes. Parents can help them through this process and point things out without giving them direct answers.

We must teach them to make mistakes, because in that way they will learn to divide properly. Give them space to familiarize themselves with the process, hesitate and solve the tasks themselves.

They will understand where it went wrong and fix their mistakes. Learning this will make them feel competent and capable. This new view of themselves will allow them to face their small problems with greater confidence.

Helping them in this way does not allow them to face the difficulties themselves, but helps them to develop intellectual abilities. You help them create possible solutions, to prove that they can. This will create new connections in their brains. This is why the role of the family is so important when it comes to achieving this goal.

Being overprotective counteracts their opportunities for development

Being overprotective involves a type of direct assistance where the adult intervenes quickly with every little difficulty that the children encounter. The children will learn that there is always someone who will solve their problems for them. They will stop doing things themselves because there will always be someone doing it for them. All they have to do is sit, smile and wait.

This quick assistance is meant to send a message of care and love to the child: “I do everything for you because I love you.” But beneath all this is the message that ” I do everything for you because I do not think you can do it.” and this will give the child the idea that he or she cannot handle things on his or her own.

The consequences of being overprotective towards their children

They will then stop trying, experimenting and making an effort, and they will not develop. They will rely more and more on their parents. But this does not come without a price because it will result in a series of consequences:

• They will very often ask for their parents’ help in reading the lesson
• They will give up at the first difficulty
• They will not tolerate frustration well
• They will become insecure and dependent on others
• They will have a low self-esteem

It is therefore important to let children discover things for themselves, make mistakes, test things and tolerate frustration. In this way, they will learn that they have the resources and abilities to solve most, if not all, problems they encounter in their lives.

We will end this reflection with a Chinese proverb that you have probably heard many times: “Give a man a fish and he will get food for the day; teach him to fish and he will have food for a lifetime. ” So we encourage all parents to teach their children to fish instead of giving them a fish at the first sign of difficulty, to let them try things for themselves. This will be a very useful and necessary lesson that they carry with them in the future.