My Mistake Was Not To Love You, But My Expectations

It is never a mistake to love someone, for this act is noble, pure, authentic and instinctive. But even if I do not regret it, it hurts to love someone who does not deserve it – someone who does not meet my expectations.

Loving the wrong person is a serious situation that you rarely get out of harm’s way. But you have to gather your strength and re-ignite the glow of your self-esteem so that it can burn strong again. You must stop suffering for love and try to prolong a love that is broken if you ever want to make room for yourself and start healing.

All social media and dating sites that exist today give rise to an interesting phenomenon. Many people feel that they are always in love with the wrong person. But they continue to believe in love, and more than anything else, they long to fall in love with the right person at the right time. They long to feel coveted, respected and loved.

Dating profiles offer an interesting alternative: the ability to sift through interests and traits. All of this offers a certain sense of control over what you want and do not want, so you try to find the perfect formula. But experts on affective relationships point out that love is not an algorithm.

Being wrong about love every now and then is almost a shortcoming in life. But sometimes chaos arises and gives you unexpectedly what you wanted so much: a mature, conscious and happy relationship. So do not worry, there is never any reason to lose hope.

We said it in the beginning: love is never a mistake. People breathe, learn, love, cry, laugh and move on. The wheel of life continues to roll and invites us to be a part of the intense and beautiful moments it creates. There is no reason to flee from nature. However, it becomes problematic when you continue to love someone who does not love you back.

It is often said that people do not change; they were simply never the people you thought they were. Of course, we all change to some degree based on our experiences, but the roots are always the same. Sometimes we just do not see them, and when my expectations are false, they will not be in line with reality.

So does that mean it’s always our fault when we love someone who does not deserve it? That we are naive who build castles in the air? No not at all. An interesting book called The 7-minute Marriage Solution explains how false expectations in a relationship are created and reinforced.

On the one hand, some people perpetuate their fantasies in their eagerness to find happiness, so much so that they turn the other person’s shortcomings into virtues. And then there are those who reinforce these false expectations.

They do this for very specific reasons: first to avoid loneliness, which means it does not matter who the other person is, and further to ensure that they have an available relationship by giving the other person hope for something lasting.

There is no reason to be bitter about loving someone who did not deserve it. You should be proud of yourself for having loved and known when it was time to let go, because love is noble. You become wiser when you know it’s time to end a chapter. You should not punish yourself for getting to know people who only gave you tears, lies and blackmail.

Life is about learning, and some teachers are good at creating toxic love. If you overcome and defeat them, you will go with more balance, dignity and calm. When it comes to emotions, you never stop learning. The best treatment for an injured soul is to include life lessons such as these, which all follow the same principle: to love yourself above all else. It is always better to suffer from pain with dignity than to be a prisoner of emotional exploitation or indifference.

Pablo Neruda once said that “I feel in love with life, because it is the only thing that will never leave me without me leaving it first”. Of course, there is no need to go to such extreme levels, but few things are as healthy as sticking to life’s journey, which gives and takes away so much from us.

Every mistake you can learn from, and every person you meet along the way leaves you with something. What is important is to move forward and remember that love is always, always worth it. But do not forget to take care of the captain of your beautiful ship: yourself. To steer the ship in the right direction, I have to keep track of my expectations.