Practical Self-assertion Techniques For Resolving Conflicts

Communication does not always flow as we would like. Misunderstandings and conflicts are common and can affect relationships and cause frustration. Therefore, we will present here some practical self-assertion techniques, which are based on simple procedures that can help us protect our own rights without affecting others.

If you learn and practice these simple techniques, they will eventually become part of your repertoire of natural responses. At first, they may feel a little convoluted, but that experience disappears with practice.

What is self-assertion?

Self-assertion is a style of communication that allows an individual to express their wishes, needs and opinions without hurting or offending their interlocutor. It is a concept that is easier to understand if you consider the three basic types of communication:

• Passive. In this case, the individual can not express his opinions or defend his rights. The person tends not to disagree, because he or she is afraid of confrontation. The individual’s need to be okay makes him or her often feel manipulated or misunderstood by others.
• Aggressive. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are people who communicate in a commanding manner and show no interest in the views of others. They try to impose their criteria and often use threats, accusations and anger.
• Self-assertive. This style of communication is best, as it is characterized by an ability to disagree and express opinions and at the same time respect other people’s views. People with good self-esteem often use this communication style. Self-assertive communication is satisfactory for all parties.

Practical self-assertion techniques for resolving conflicts

Self-assertion is not an abstract concept. And you can apply the following assertion techniques in your relationships with others. You should use a policy in principle when dealing with a potential conflict:

• Start by stating concrete facts, instead of making generalizations. Instead of saying “You never take the time to be with me anymore”, try saying “In recent weeks we have only seen each other twice”.
• Specify how you experience the situation, instead of accusing or labeling the other person. Saying “It makes me feel sad” is better than saying “You are selfish”.
• Come up with concrete suggestions. For example “I would like us to decide one day a week when we can hang out”.
• Explain how the plan would improve the situation. For example “In this way we would have more time with each other and quarrel less”.

The repetition technique

This technician is about repeating your statement over and over again in a calm and collected way.

“It’s your fault we’re always late.”

“I had to stay at work because I had a meeting.”

“But you always do the same thing.”

“Like I said, I had to stay longer than usual because we had a meeting.”

The fogging technique

You can use this technique when the other person criticizes you or gives you advice with the intention of manipulating you.

This is a technique that aims to acknowledge that what the other person is saying is partly true, but that the final decision is in your hands:

“You never go out with us these days. You forget your friends. ”

“It is true that I do not go out with you anymore, because I can not with my new work schedule.”

Practical self-assertion techniques – The assent technique

In this situation, you admit that you acted wrongly, without accepting any labels. In other words, you reject the label that the other person puts on you, but you admit your mistake.

“You always leave a mess behind. You are so ruthless. ”

“It’s true that I did not clean the house, because I had to hurry away. But I do not always do that. ”

Ignoring technique

You can use this technique when the other person is extremely upset or angry. It is based on ignoring the reason for the quarrel.

“I have the impression that you are very angry right now and we may end up hurting each other with our words. Let’s talk about it later, when we have calmed down. ”

These are some examples of different practical self-assertion techniques you can use to show more determination in your daily life.

As you can see, it is important that you speak in a calm, even and even respectful tone. You should try to avoid fuss, while asserting your opinion. With practice, self-assertion can become your best tool for good communication.