Silence Is The Perpetrator’s Biggest Accomplice
Silence will always be a perpetrator’s biggest accomplice. This is where he finds his best refuge. Where all his degrading aggressions and his blows are protected. These are later camouflaged as “I promise this is the last time this will happen”.
However, these are promises that can be quickly broken when the victim does not agree or if there is a need to validate power. The perpetrator simply suffers from chronic insecurity.
This perpetrator will always want your forgiveness, but the person will not hesitate to continue with the same abuse, with the same harassment. The only way to get out of this circle of power is to remove his best accomplice: silence.
Virginia Woolf said in her journals that there are few things that can be as dangerous as a home. From the moment the doors, windows and curtains close, no one can guess what is happening inside. Drama, aggression and pain get stuck in walls and hearts; and this also gets stuck in the pillows soaked with tears from all these wounded senses.
Silence is and will always be the best refuge for a perpetrator, for a person who commits abuse. You must break the silence and give a voice to each victim.
A perpetrator’s ally
Covert violence is the most common in our society. Whether it is a public assault on a woman or something that is hidden within the home. According to a study by the United Nations, it is estimated that 35% of all women in the world have been abused. Almost 70% of them have been attacked at some point. These are facts we should keep in mind.
The perpetrator may be educated and have a good job, or he may be unemployed. He can be young or old and he can also be a female. Sociological patterns are not always very helpful in identifying them; especially when you consider the following: the perpetrator usually has a high social status. In fact, the person is often seen as a good person by many others.
The problem arises, just as Virginia Woolf says, when the doors to the home close and no one or almost no one knows what’s going on inside. For the one who uses this violence, it only expresses against those with whom he has a very close bond: his partner, his children…
The perpetrators use aggression as a form of force. They cannot perceive their partner as a person with rights or needs. As someone who deserves to be respected. Because they are “objects they own”, a part of themselves. When the victims then try to achieve independence, they feel attacked. Their masculinity feels vulnerable, their status of power.
Their partners then choose to give in, to be quiet and to fall into that subordinate relationship. The type where psychological abuse and even physical abuse leaves wounds that cannot be seen with the naked eye. Taking the step of condemning them for breaking the silence is not easy, because believe it or not, the victims do not always feel understood.
In many cases, they have to confront their own circles with family members and friends. They never really believe in the abuses or aggressions that, despite the fact that they leave no mark, rob them of their lives.
Social services, on the other hand, know that many are afraid to complain because they fear retaliation from the perpetrator.
These are undoubtedly very sensitive situations where the fear of breaking the silence is still the perpetrators’ best accomplice. Their best refuge and their shield of power. It is everyone’s responsibility to go out and change mentalities. We must get the victims out of those private spheres of torture and humiliation.
For no victim should ever feel lonely. For everyone has a place in the puzzle that is our society. A place where they can give a voice and detect suspicious behavior where a woman, man or child can suffer some form of abuse.
