Why Is It So Hard To Forget An Old Love?

It may seem impossible to forget an old love – like breaking a mountain in half. In the end, some memories can not rust or break.

Some stories and experiences are written in the ink of passion on a type of magic that leaves permanent marks in the mind.

No matter how much you want, it is impossible to erase old love, because it has helped you become who you are today.

Lebanese author Khalil Gibran once wrote that  your heart must be broken at some point in order to be opened to the truth. It may be that love is something you have to learn.

Broken hearts can really have infinite wisdom in the cracked lines that run through them.

In the end, it seems that one thing can not be denied: no matter how much disappointment or joy you have experienced, the brain can not forget an old love and that it was once in love.

It does not matter how many recipes, suggestions or sophisticated strategies people give you to erase a loved one from your mind – it does not work.

You can not just forget things you have experienced. You simply have to accept the person’s absence and reconcile with what happened (and did not happen). It allows you to  open up to new lessons and experiences.

It is impossible for the brain to forget an old love

Moving on after a relationship and giving it a definite end is often necessary. It’s for the good of both. Both will be able to maintain their dignity and avoid hurting the other more than necessary.

People often say that a breakup is the best way to stay whole. But whether you agree with the need for a breakup or not, the suffering can be incredible.

There are studies that show that  it generally takes 6-18 months to get over a breakup. It is impossible to forget the old love and you can not control your own memories.

But what you can do is regulate their emotional impact and use the grief to work with their emotions and accept the new reality.

We all know that love is an intense and often chaotic experience. No two relationships are alike and in the same way some may find it much easier to get over the pain than others.

Whatever it is for you, it is unlikely that you will forget an old love. This is simply not how the brain works, and below we tell you why.

Emotional memory and somatic markers

Humans are basically emotional beings who once learned to use logic and reasoning. Our emotions are like puzzle pieces we have to put together.

It is thanks to them that we can establish bonds, care for each other, see risks and seek our own well-being.

• All of this explains why love is so important to our brains. It is a comfortable factory that makes us feel safe in romantic relationships. Loving and being loved can give you a sense of calm as well as reduce stress and fear. This is why things like betrayal, disappointment or an unexpected breakup can be so painful.
• Emotional memory must also be taken into account. When you have a bond like this with someone, the brain will create lots of somatic markers. These are experiences your brain associates with strong emotional elements, such as kisses, caresses, hugs, scents, conversations, intimate moments, etc. Everything leaves an imprint marked by well-being, happiness, hope and pleasure.

• These emotional somatic markers are created in the form of durable nerve connections. They will always be there. This is why a specific scent or a glimpse of a particular place can take you back to that time in an instant. But it’s not just your memories, because it can also take you back to the feelings you experienced then.

Some love is part of you and your story

There is a very clear reason why it is impossible to forget a previous love. If you could erase it from your memory, you would still erase a part of yourself.

As humans, we are made up of more than just meat and bones; our stories are also a very big part of us.

That is why the person you were at that time is so strongly connected to the memories of this old love. It’s a younger and more blue – eyed version of yourself, lost in the passion of another person.

Your brain never wants you to forget this before me.

To do so would be to take a step back in your personal growth. Everything you have seen, felt and suffered from has shaped who you are today. Forgetting this is like deleting an entire chapter of your life story.

For better or worse, it is who you are, but the best thing is that it is not over. You always have the opportunity to write better stories for yourself. At the end of the day, love is always worth the effort and all the joy it can give you.